Navigating Mom Guilt: Tips and Tricks for Finding Balance

Mom working with baby

Mom guilt is a common experience, especially for millennial moms, black moms, and young moms. Balancing work, family, and personal time can feel like a juggling act, and it's easy to feel like you're dropping the ball somewhere. The pressure to be the "perfect mom" can be overwhelming, but the truth is, perfect doesn't exist. Understanding that you're not alone in this feeling is the first step towards managing it.

Understanding Mom Guilt:

"Mom guilt" often stems from societal pressures and our own high expectations. Especially as black mothers, we tend to hold ourselves to a higher standard often leaving ourselves with little to no grace. As moms, we want to provide the best for our children while maintaining our identities and careers but we also feel bad for wanting anything for ourselves outside of being a mom. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, 75% of working mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children. It's important to understand that feeling guilty is normal, but it shouldn’t control your life.

My Story:

Before becoming a stay-at-home mom, I taught 10th-grade English. I loved my job, my students, and working with my colleagues. Teaching is a high-stress job with little room for financial growth, and going back to work six months postpartum was a huge challenge for me. Dropping my baby off at daycare every morning to spend time with other people's kids didn't sit well with me. As a breastfeeding mom, I struggled with producing milk once I returned to my high-stress work environment, and I felt horrible even considering switching her to formula.

I remember a particularly hectic week when I had major work deadlines and was juggling work at school and at home. I didn't meal prep any of her food for daycare and had barely spent time with her after work each day. The guilt was crushing, and I felt like a failure as a mom. But that moment also taught me valuable lessons about prioritizing and setting realistic expectations for myself.

Tips and Tricks for Navigating Mom Guilt:

1. Set Realistic Expectations: It's easy to compare yourself to other moms, especially on social media. Remember that no one has it all together. Set realistic goals for yourself and celebrate small victories. According to Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and author, embracing imperfection is key to overcoming guilt and shame.
   

2. Prioritize Self-Care: Self-care is not selfish. Taking time for yourself recharges you and makes you a better mom. Whether it's a quiet bath, a workout session, or reading a book, carve out time for activities that rejuvenate you.
   

3. Create a Support Network: Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Share your feelings with other moms who understand what you’re going through. Online communities and local mom groups can also provide a sense of belonging and support.
   

4. Delegate Responsibilities: You don’t have to do it all. Delegate tasks to your partner, or older children, or hire help if possible. Sharing responsibilities can lighten your load and reduce guilt.
   

5. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you stay present and reduce anxiety. Techniques like deep breathing, meditation, and yoga can help you manage stress and focus on the present moment.
   

6. Celebrate Small Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. Did you make it through a tough day? Did you manage to balance work and home life even for a few hours? Celebrate it!
   

7. Seek Professional Help: If mom guilt becomes overwhelming, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide strategies and support to help you manage your feelings.

Resourceful Tips:

Reading books by authors who have navigated similar experiences can provide valuable insights and reassurance. Here are a few recommendations:

• "More Than Enough: Claiming Space for Who You Are (No Matter What They Say)" by Elaine Welteroth This inspiring memoir discusses balancing career, personal life, and societal expectations, offering encouragement for moms striving for balance.

• "Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower" by Brittney Cooper This powerful book explores themes of identity, motherhood, and self-discovery, providing a relatable and empowering perspective for black moms.

• "The Little Black Book of Success: Laws of Leadership for Black Women" by Elaine Meryl Brown, Marsha Haygood, and Rhonda Joy McLean While focused on leadership, this book offers valuable lessons on prioritizing and balancing different aspects of life, applicable to motherhood.
  

Other Books: "The Conscious Parent" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary offers insights into mindful parenting, while "Self-Compassion" by Dr. Kristin Neff provides tools for being kinder to yourself.

• Apps: Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided meditations to help manage stress and promote mindfulness.

• Websites: Sites like Motherly and Black Moms Blog offer supportive articles and community forums where moms can share their experiences and advice.

Navigating mom guilt is an ongoing journey. It's something many of us experience, but it doesn't define your worth as a parent. By setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, and building a supportive network, you can find balance and peace. Remember, you are doing an amazing job, and your love and dedication to your child are what truly matter. Your relationship with your child and your well-being will benefit from the efforts you make to find balance. Embrace your imperfections, celebrate your successes, and know that you are enough.

Share your experiences with mom guilt in the comments below. What strategies have helped you find balance? Let’s support each other on this journey! #MomGuilt #SelfCareForMoms #MindfulParenting #MomLife #MillennialMoms #BlackMoms #YoungMoms

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If you found this blog helpful, please share it with other moms who might benefit from these tips. Let's support each other in this incredible journey of motherhood.

I hope this blog provides you with the encouragement and resources you need to navigate mom guilt and find a healthy balance in your life. You're doing an amazing job!